Ok so it's not like it's that late... But sometimes I feel insomnia-ish when I lay down to go to bed and I need to "get away" and just not think about what's really going on in my head. So I get a book, my laptop, my iPhone... And I turn on pandora or YouTube... And I forget about life, emotions, or the fact that sleeping is healthy.
Tonight it happens to be pandora-easy listening! And my iPhone. I'm forgetting the fact that tears are pushing their way out... Do I have a reason to be emotional? Is being a woman reason enough? I don't really have a specific reason no... It could be that I have been sick, it could be because its been a long day! It could be because... Because....because... It could be lots of things!
It could be because my violin string broke! One of my happy places, or emotional outlets is music! There is something bred into my soul that makes me connect SO deeply with music!! I am not a concert violinist or pianist nor am I a vocal performer. I used to want to be all those things! But life brought me a different direction. Plus I am still shy about things like that...."what you want me to sing like no ones watching"? I am an amazing singer... In the shower!
Ok so my point with this... I hope I can word it right! I have an emotional connection with music... Maybe because I have had difficulties in expressing myself it's easy for me to think the song does it. Ok so for an example: the song "the way you look tonight"... When I was younger my mom was making dinner and my dad was playing with a new CD player we'd just bought. He put in a cd and a little while later that song came on and be started dancing with my mom! It was so cute! I remember thinking that I wanted a relationship like that! And that's also the song I wanted my dad to sing at my wedding because of that moment. So that song will always bring me back to that moment. Oh maybe that's what it is!! It brings me to a moment in time that is special so that's why the Song is special! That's one reason I'm sure. But sometimes it's not a memory but more of a feeling or a specific person.
It's not only that... You know?! After all this maybe this maybe that the best way I can put the bottom line is a deep connection and/or passion between my heart and music!
So as I end this post.. The song playing is Let it be - the Beatles. I think that's the answer to my unknown emotions... That I am not facing right now. Deborah, face it and just let it be! :)
Thanks for listening/reading through my insomnia-ish rant!
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